Wat U lookin' At?

Our family plowed ourselves through the weekend traffic jam in Gadong in an attempt to enjoy some quality time together at the Mall (Yes, I can see how paradoxical that statement may sound, especially having an autistic child in tow.. Why the Mall of all places??)

Well, for starters, we haven't been there in a loooooooonnnngg time. For the obvious reason that there always seems to be some kind of computer expo or travel expo or Brunei products expo on, which foreseeably draws a ridiculously large amount of shopaholic Bruneians to fill up every inch of space available! Evidently, it's just too intimidating to have our autistic angel be immersed in that level of chaos. It hasn't stopped us in previous times however so it's not like Raiyan has never been to the Mall or any other chaotic place for that matter. It's just that with all our energy thrown into the therapy, along with taking care of a curious 21 month old and a completely dependent 5 month old, we have chosen to give such outings a back seat for now.

But yesterday, and especially after having returned from another overseas trip where such talked of crowds are considered normal, Jeff and I just had a mutual craving to be part of that crowd again. We angan-angan to take the kids to the bookstore, have some desserts and milkshakes at Swensens, browse for baby clothes at Guess and Just Kidding, pick up some bathroom essentials from the Body Shop and perhaps get a DVD or 2 from AV Heaven. At the same time, we surprisingly but perhaps foolishly even had the bravado to handle all 3 kids alone by letting the maids go off and have their leisurely afternoon at the Mall too.

Oh but it all remained an elusive dream my friends.... After only having set foot into Best Eastern, Raiyan went straight to the children's section in active search of an animal book. We let them spend about half an hour in the shop just to enjoy what they can read there (I just bought them a bunch of books from Singapore anyway, so I wasn't going to indulge them more!) and then put the books back and move on. Of course, Raiyan resisted. He had in his hand a book on how to make origami farm animals that cost $7.80.. Even if I wanted to buy him a book, this would be one of the last books I'd get! Not only are we trying to stray him away from his obsession with animals, the book didn't even have any story to tell which would have helped him with his imagination and emotions! So it was a definite NO to Raiyan!

So yes, the tears and the whining ensued..Though I have to say that it wasn't half as bad as how it used to be. There were no shouts and screams and no rolling on the floor alhamdulillah. But yet, he was still loud enough and emotionally distressed to bring attention to himself. And again, that's when I nearly lost it! I tried REALLY hard to not take it out on Raiyan because I had to constantly remind myself that his reaction now is BY FAR SO MUCH better than how his old tantrums used to be.

But it took every energy in me to not blow up at the groups of people who STILL had to stop, look and even turn around to stare at poor Raiyan.And we're not talking about just "innocent" stares emanating from pure curious concerns. These are the stop, look, still look, shake head and whisper to spouse/friend with a judgmental expression kinda stare!

I don't get it! It's a just a small child crying.. Have they never seen a child cry before? Do the children in their lives NOT cry? Are they expecting to see a psycho mother physically abuse her child in front of everyone to see? It so reminds me of the mentality where people slow down on the road just to kaypoh catch a glimpse at an accident that doesn't concern them at all. Unless it looks like a tragic one that sadly, I personally can't help looking too OR if it involves someone you know, I don't see any reason why everyone should not just look away after a second and DRIVE ON.

Which was precisely how I felt with all those equally kaypoh people staring at Raiyan. IF he was screaming out in pain or rolling around on the floor or doing whatever extraordinary things other children don't normally do, I can forgive them to feel the need to stop and stare. But he WASN"T. He was just crying out for an animal book, over and over again. No big deal. If I knew it was a big deal, I would have started charging people to watch.

Which is why I would probably need to get this t-shirt before our family ever make our way back to the Mall again:

Anyone interested, you can get this t-shirt at autismbites and you would be helping out the foundation at the same time!