What not to say

Since Raiyan has been diagnosed, it has been a roller coaster ride in trying to share it with others, whether it's family or close friends or colleagues or acquaintances. I'm sure you realise by now that I have no qualms whatsoever about telling others of Raiyan's condition. Any uneasiness that I may have when wanting to share our story is more due to my fear of putting the person I'm telling in an awkward position when they first hear of it. Which is why having this blog is so important to me, Jeff and Raiyan. It's not only to help us be better understood without the risk of getting into that tricky situation, but it also helps those who read it (even close family and friends can be clueless too!) remove any preconceived thoughts they may have and to be more prepared and confident to talk to us about Raiyan.

Nevertheless, I can still understand that just reading this blog wouldn't automatically make everyone completely confident on how to react when talking to me about Raiyan. Especially for those who cannot relate to the situation, I recognise the difficulties in you trying to scurry for an appropriate response when you just feel like your mind is BLANK. My advice is to just listen. Remember that you are probably feeling the way you're feeling because you just don't know how to feel. Which is even more reason to just listen so you can learn more about the issue and then form your opinions. Even though you may be compelled to look shocked and act completely sympathetic since autism is usually portrayed as something bleak, try to keep an open mind and anticipate the possibility that it may not necessarily have to be that way. At the same time, don't act like it's no big deal either! I can speak for MYSELF that you don't have to feel ENTIRELY sorrowful for me because in all honesty, our family is in a good place right now. Yes, I agree that we equally face the challenges that come with the diagnosis but alhamdulillah, Raiyan is doing very well and along the way, we have also discovered what a special boy Raiyan is BECAUSE of the autism and NOT DESPITE of it.

In conjunction with World Autism Awareness Month, apart from raising awarenss on the condition, I personally feel that it is also important to educate the public on how to react around families with autism. Which is why I just had to link this post by a mother of a special needs child on what NOT to say to a parent of a special needs child. I am still in awe as to how another mother halfway across the world can still go through the same experiences that I have gone through!

Please remember that I DO NOT blame others who may have said some of the things listed out in that post. I still do believe that there is so much ignorance and misunderstandings on autism that I can totally empathise with the fact that sometimes you just really do not know what to say and wouldn't realise that what you said was actually hurtful.

I can only hope that with more awareness and understanding, I along with other autism/special needs parents can enjoy the uninhibted freedom of talking about our children as much and as animatedly as other parents! Because frankly there are just so many interesting tales to tell! :D