Raiyan the Celebrity? Hehe..

Alisha broke out in an allergic rash this morning so we rushed her to Ward 2 (but not before giving her piriton first) to get her checked out by the doctor. Raiyan also came along since we were planning to watch Horton Hears a Who later that morning, if Alisha's rashes went down, which Alhamdulillah it did.

Whilst all of us was waiting for a new bottle of piriton at the ward, Raiyan independently made his way to the playroom which he clearly remembered from the last time he got admitted (you can read about it in this post). Following him, we all entered the room and happily stumbled upon what seems to be a mini-party equipped with party hats and group singing of nursery rhymes (which of course both Raiyan and Alisha were so iski over, courtesy of listening to this in the car for the past TWO months):

Of course it was no surprise that Raiyan started singing along, much to the delight of the teenage girls leading the sing-a-longs.. And of course as his mother, I was thrilled to see Raiyan getting really positive attention from others, who were clearly oblivious to the fact that he is actually "different" from other children.. instead they kept going on about how clever he was and kept asking him for an encore performance. Jeff and me thought because this is Autism Awareness Month, we should let in the information about him having ASD. Needless to say, they were all really surprised to hear it. One's reflex initial response was actually "Really? But he's so clever?" to which I responded "autistic children are clever..." Then I was pleased to hear another girl saying "Yes, they are, but they just have their moments!" Yes very true!!

Then out of nowhere, one of the girls said that I seem familiar and asked if the blog our unique raiyan was mine... I had to chuckle and say YES and TA-DAAAHH this is THE Raiyan!! Hehehe..

Turns out that they are a bunch of a PTE students who are learning child psychology and in particular about autism!!! And the sweethearts were at the ward 2 playroom VOLUNTARILY on a SUNDAY just to entertain the children there.. so sweet kan? I was more especially happy to hear about them wanting to learn more about autism so of course I didn't waste time to tell them that April is World Autism Awareness Month and they should be on the look out for a number of campaigns to be organised by autism organisations in Brunei and the rest of the world.

If any of you girls are reading this, it was sooo lovely to meet you all and have a chat with. Jeff and I really really appreciate all the attention you gave to Raiyan and your genuine interest in autism. Also, if I didn't say it enough this morning, how in awe I was that you guys took time out from your Sunday morning to play with the children and also with all the efforts you made in entertaining the children.

Oh and hey, I saw some of you taking pictures with Raiyan.. I would love it if I can have copies cos I really want to put them in here if you don't mind. Email them at riana.aji@gmail.com please!

Hope to meet you girls again nanti! Keep in touch ok! And keep up the good work! The Children needs you!

Jangan Main Tuduh-Tuduh...

Throughout Raiyan growing up, everybody around him has grown accustomed to assuming what is on his mind. Well, we're not really given any other choice since he himself was not able to communicate his feelings to others. So everytime he shows happiness towards something, we would always link it to a recent happening or to something that he just saw or when he was screaming out in frustration, it always involved a guessing game where we would try out all the things that we "presume" will make him feel better and through the elimination process we would either succeed in giving him what he wants or reach breaking point or at the very least, distract him with something else he'd show interest in.

Since his improvement however, we'd started to realise that this may not necessarily be the case all the time. Especially with his eating (where the majority of past struggles were connected to), he would in advance tell us what food he wants to eat or if he wants to eat a later time. Previously when this was not possible, mealtimes were always a gamble because there are times he'd easily clean his plate but there are times when he wouldn't even look at his plate. Even after numerous times cajoling him to eat (that airplane landing in the mouth tactic NEVER worked for him btw), we always ended up sadly throwing his food away.

I have noticed that it's really easy for parents to assume what their children is feeling and this is obvious when it's the case of the child not being able to talk. But even when they do, it still feels like a reflex thing for us to just "know" what it is they want and why they are behaving a certain way. Maybe it's based on the knowledge that we are adults so it seems natural for us to know better than children. Maybe it's based on us (especially mothers) thinking that the child came from me so OF COURSE I always know what he or she is thinking. Perhaps it's because parents have a planned picture/image of what their child is going to be so any deviant behaviour can only be justified by the parent to be due to this or that reason, just to satisfy the expectation that the child is still on the same route towards becoming that planned picture/image in mind. Or more than anything, especially in this age or fast living, I just think parents never really bother to take the long time out and really question the child on things that may seem petty.

So especially with an autistic child, jumping into conclusions is really part of the ride for us parents. That's why when they start improving, we are forced to look at things differently because we actually WANT them to communicate their feelings no matter how petty the things it involve.

Like yesterday, nenek bini was telling me how the whole afternoon, Raiyan didn't go to her room even once. Our quick presumption to this was because the day before that, he was there, playing the computer for 2 hours straight and so we kinda told him off for doing that. Naturally, nenek bini and I thought that because of that scolding, he didn't dare visit nenek's room again the next day. Makes straighforward sense right?

Nevertheless, I still tried, just for fun, to ask him about it.

PM: Raiyan, did you go to nenek's room just now?

R: Noooo... (in a "no, i wouldn't dare" kinda tone)

PM (thinking our assumption may be right): Why not? Why did you not go to nenek's room?

R: Because.. she sleeping.

Whooppsss... he actually he had his OWN reason as to why he didn't go which had nothing to do with our assumption at all! Sorry Raiyan!! We'll try and not be so quick to judge the next time okay!!

PS: The title of this post is based on Jeff's fave line from the movie Ali Setan which was something his namesake character was saying to Azmil Mustapha when being accused of something..

World Autism Awareness Day

As declared by the United Nations in its Third Committee Resolution approved by the General Assembly on 18th December 2007, TODAY the 2nd of April has been designated as World Autism Awareness Day and is to be observed every year beginning this year.

On this momentous day (or in some countries, starting from today and continuing throughout the whole month), member countries, including Brunei Darussalam, are urged to raise public awareness of autism and also to take measures to raise awareness throughout society, including at the family level, regarding children with autism.

Be sure to look out for special programmes on CNN, get inspired by reading news articles on what other countries are doing in carrying out their obligations under the resolution and more importantly, spread whatever knowledge you have about autism (including the mention of visiting Raiyan's blog ;) maybe? .. heehee).

Remember the key points to inform others of are:

• There is HOPE!
• Early diagnosis and intervention is very important to kickstart the child's journey towards improvement and even recovery;
• Intervention or therapy should be a programme based on what works for the individual autistic child;
• Autistic children are not in any way worse than or not good enough as typical children! Even though autistic children may lack some qualities typical children have, they also have their own unique and special qualities that society really need to start focusing on.

Also, Learning Ladders are actually planning to organise a one day awareness campaign some time this month but unfortunately, was unable to hold something today due to shortage of resources and time. I will provide more information on our special event as and when there is development on it :D.

We would really appreciate any support that we can get! But in the meantime I would be grateful if my beautiful readers can use the power of word of mouth and spread ALL the knowledge that you have on autism to anyone you know! Everybody else in the world is doing just that!!

A Trip Into Raiyan's Mind

Auntie Wen Wen came back from Bangkok this morning and in her traditional pweshes darling auntie ways, bought each of the babies some goodies from her shopping expedition. Even though she (and along with everyone who knows Raiyan) is fully aware that Raiyan is verrryyy fond of animals and that up until about 2 weeks into his therapy, was actually an obsession for him, he has somehow proven to us in the last few weeks that even though he still dearly adore that part of nature, it however never reached a point where we would get worried over it reverting back to being an obsession.

So it is understandable that Auntie Wen Wen (who left for Bangkok on Friday night) found this t-shirt from Jim Thompson absolutely adorable and a tad frighteningly perfect for Raiyan:

I Wove My New T-Shirt

Jeff described it perfectly when he saw it: “WOW! It’s like Raiyan’s mind vomited and landed on this t-shirt!”

Not surprisingly, Raiyan took an immediate liking to the t-shirt and wore it straight away after Auntie Wen Wen gave it to him early this morning. So excited was he to wear it that he didn’t even bother to take off the t-shirt he was already wearing and ended up wearing 2 layers but yet not perturbed by how hot it must have been.

What I failed to mention to Auntie Wen Wen whilst she was away was that on Raiyan’s first therapy session with J on Tuesday after more than a week, Raiyan had a medium intensity tantrum because J brought a box of farm animal figurines but didn’t let him play with it when it was time to move on to something else. He cried and cried for 15 minutes until he actually fell asleep (hmm... scarily feels like the old pattern coming back huh...). I was actually very surprised that that happened because in my judgment as a parent for the last ten days, I had noticed him talking more about animals but I still didn’t think it was obsessive because he was always able to tear himself away from it when I told him to. But later that night, Jeff and I couldn’t help getting a bit worried because he kept throwing mini tantrums here and there just because he wanted to do things we didn’t allow him to. Instead of letting ourselves get too down about what was happening before us, especially since we haven’t witnessed such tantrums in quite a while, we just deduced his behaviour as an extended frustration from his tantrum with J for being denied the farm animals and didn’t dwell on it further.

But it didn’t stop me this morning from thinking this t-shirt might cause similar problems too. So I called my sister from the office, voiced my fears and asked if she can try taking it off at any possible opportunity. At lunchtime I was a bit startled to see that he was STILL wearing it but was slightly relieved when sis said that she had actually forgotten to try and yank it off him. I wasn’t really up to putting up a struggle during my short lunch break so I just let it go.

BUT, come bath time in the evening; I felt like I was re-visiting a nightmare that I have not experienced in a long time. Raiyan screamed and screamed “Jungle t-shirt! Jungle t-shirt!” countlessly whilst throwing his naked self around on the floor and the couch for almost an hour. He refused to wear his pyjamas and upheld his usual protest that always gets under my skin- refusing his dinner. Following what just happened 2 days ago, I panicked and nearly went crazy myself. Old memories of previous struggles came flooding back glued with overwhelming feelings of fear that this might be the consequence of Raiyan not having therapy and school for a substantial amount of time.

Thankfully, Jeff came back home in a completely rational state and tried bargaining with him.

His tactic to Raiyan?
Babah: “Raiyan, first eat dinner, second wear jungle t-shirt for 5 minutes ok?”

But Raiyan’s reply was simply “No. No eat. I want jungle t-shirt now.”

After coaxing for quite a while along this line, Jeff had to get more creative and went one step further:
Babah: “Ok, if you wear jungle t-shirt, then you eat ok?”

Thankfully, Raiyan reluctantly muttered “okay”

And syukur Alhamdulillah, upon having the t-shirt on his body, he obediently sat at the dinner table and finished his whole dinner... sigghh.... and after he finished his dinner, I told him he can wear his t-shirt for 5 more minutes to which he agreed! And sure enough, he took the t-shirt off himself with no drama at all after that..

Jeff and I still can’t help thinking we can’t comfortably leave Raiyan with anybody else just yet because it is sad fact that for now, only Jeff and me can get through to him. What was scary tonight was that even pweshes mama felt lost and surrendered to babah’s rescue in the end. If I can still feel like that, imagine how others can feel upon seeing Raiyan have his tantrums?

At the same time, we still didn’t allow ourselves to over analyse the situation so much and to jump into conclusions about Raiyan regressing due to not having therapy for more than a week. Furthermore, we tried to be empathic thinking how perfect that t-shirt must be for him. As Jeff said, that must be what his mind looks like!

Also, we focused on the positive in that we were still in control over the animal t-shirt in that we can use it to our advantage to get what we want. Concurrently, Raiyan is also showing his intelligence by using it for HIS advantage to get what HE wants.

Aaahh, I can just see ten years from now..
Mama: “Raiyan, we go for African Safari if you get 10 As ok?” heehee

The Love Affair with the Computer

Raiyan started independently playing with the computer just 3 months short of his 3rd birthday. I initiated it by playing a number of interactive games on http://www.sesameworkshop.org/ and http://atv.disney.go.com/playhouse which he loved doing together with me. Obviously it got to a point where he was loving it too much that I started to get a bit sick and tired of playing the same games probably 10-15 times in a row! More because I wanted to give myself a break from it without having to deprive him of the entertainment he was clearly getting, I tried my luck and introduced him to the mouse so he can play the games himself. I swear to god, he mastered using the mouse within 3 minutes and he’s been off doing his own thing with the internet ever since.

After having ventured through all the interactive games, short movies and song recordings from the abovementioned sites, he managed to find newer sites to play with. At first I was obviously bewildered as to how he could have done this but I slowly discovered that he would just click on various links until he stops at something he likes. The amazing thing is that sometimes it would take him more than 5 links but every single time if he wants to re-visit that site he likes, he would remember the sequence of links to click to get to where he wants to go.

Raiyan 3 years old

He would get very proficient with computer games too. To be honest, I didn’t really spend much time doing this with him as this has been more of a favourite pastime of him with his grandma and she would always tell me how amazing he was in his ability to spot things that she couldn’t and how fast he was with his hands in terms of timing and precision. Without a doubt, he could have given some grown ups a run for their money in some of the games he was frankly, very brilliant at.

When he started getting obsessed with his animals, what he would spend hours doing was open up all his animal books and wikepedia all the animals he could find. Not surprisingly, this was probably where he learnt that a whale is a mammal and not a fish, that a polar bear doesn’t live in Antarctica but only in the Arctic, how he knew of some obscure animals like the gharial and also the many different types of crocodiles out there and how he decided that his dream destination is going on a safari in Africa (this choice even beats going to Disney World!).

After having met other parents through Learning Ladders, I discovered that Raiyan is not the only autistic child to love the computer so much. One boy managed to spot his teacher’s password (just by watching her type it) and accessed her email without her knowing at all! Another boy managed to create his own user account on the computer just by being in the same room whilst his mum was creating her account!

I used to see the computer as a serious double edged sword. I loved how Raiyan can keep himself entertained by it, how much he was learning things on it and how he can hone his skills in educational games that even some adults find trouble playing. But at the same time, he would spend such prolonged times on it that caused him to completely disconnect with the rest of the world, took him away from being interested in anything else, made his obsessions with animals worse and also was the main cause of his self talk and echolalia (he would repeat what was being said on the children websites like “to turn right, click on the red button etc etc”). And it goes without saying but the tantrums would be just terrifying everytime we wanted him to switch the computer off.

Alhamdulillah, once he started this therapy and his obsessive tendencies started to lessen in intensity, he started to be able to play with the internet a few minutes at a time and then move on to something else. (Take note that in the early stages to avoid him playing with it altogether, I had to change the home page to a site that didn’t have any search engines on it. Shortly after seeing how it wasn’t possible for him to get to a site that he liked, he just naturally gave up).

But this week, because it is his school holidays, I noticed him slowly returning to his old computer nerdy self... I guess with no school and no therapy during the day, “playing” didn’t come so naturally to him if compared to times when he would just follow up at home what he had done that morning. And when he’s at his grandparents’ house the whole day, there are less things for him to play with too since most of his toys are at home anyway. So it’s no surprises that he resorted to spending his time on the computer for most of the day over there. That didn’t worry me so much as I can understand that it might be difficult for him to entertain himself for the reasons I had told you. But what I was taken aback with was the fact that once he got home, he still insisted to play with the computer and refused to have his dinner and had a tantrum when I switched the computer off.

This has helped remind me of the fact that Raiyan is still a work in progress and that just because he seemed to have been able to freely come and go from the computer doesn't mean he won't go back to his previously obsessive ways if the circumstances around him causes him to do so.

At the same time, having re-visited the computer since he started therapy have also reminded me of all the things he's good at when he's on the computer that I just thought that perhaps I should still encourage him to continue with some of them..

At the end of the day, it's really about finding the balance of letting him enjoy the computer without it necessarily becoming an obsession. Because even though it can get quite worrying when he's stuck with it all day, sometimes I just have to give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not necessarily obsessed with it but maybe it's something that he just really enjoys, not unlike when typical children have their hobbies too. Furthermore, seeing the amazing things he can do on the computer should only just encourage me to let him carry on with what he loves doing!

Raiyan teaching Alisha some computer skills

Building Blocks

I tried hard searching for an old picture of Raiyan stacking up his legos or blocks just like how I remember him to have loved doing so much, but unfortunately after scouring through all the burnt CDs containing his pictures since he celebrated his first birthday, I couldn't find even one single picture of him doing so! I can still remember picturing him carefully constructing his tall towers.. and how he would repeatedly get so frustrated every time his tower would get just too tall to withstand gravity and would inevitably break down.. Then he'd start stacking it all over again.. and the vicious cycle continues until we are forced to just pack the blocks away..

But on a happy note, especially lately since he has his newfound imagination, he is more keen to be more creative with his blocks with the help of his babah. These blocks he's playing with were actually given to him for his first birthday and finally it has been put to good and its proper use!

Raiyan was first excited to build what he called his castle:

Thinking these blocks aren't enough (and they're obviously not since probably the other 75% are all over the house), he pulled out these baby blocks and decided to build an extension to his castle:

And here he is putting in his finishing touches to the front door of his extended castle!

Whatta beautiful castle Raiyan! Good Job!

Another great thing was Alisha accidentally broke it down twice and naturally he cried, but alhamdulillah it wasn't a tantrum! And as soon as I started helping him re-construct it back, he stopped! But not before muttering to himself "I don't like Alisha.. I don't like Alisha now.." Heehe.. I know I shouldn't be encouraging him thinking such things about his sister but I still can't help thinking how cute he was for saying that!

Week 9 Progress

• I have noticed that Raiyan is starting to get more aware of his surroundings now which has resulted him to be at times kinda “sakai” with a lot of things... like today this was how he looked like when his class teacher was reading the class book out loud. Not only was he so fascinated, he stayed put like that THROUGHOUT the book was read!!

Wow...

• His attention for things around him now is so good that he hardly sits back in the car.. He’s always sitting upright and keen to see things outside the car that he can call out for!
• He is beginning to learn things by himself that was never taught by K. For example, he always bagi salam when he enters the house and when we give salam, he knows how to balas by saying “walaikumsalam” instead of just repeating “assalamualaikum”;
  
• He was able to tell me the other FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER what he did earlier that day with J. The conversation went like:
  
  Mama: Did you see Mrs J today?
  R: Yes
  M: What did you do?
  R: Animals!
  M (thinking “how typical”) further asked: Where were the animals?
  R: In the computer..
  M (“hmm, maybe we’re going somewhere here..): You just look at animals in the computer?
  R: Aaahh.. magnifying glass
  M: You looked through a magnifying glass?
  R: Yes! I look at animal footprints!
  M: What animal footprints?
  R: Aah.. a leopard, an elephant, a cat, a dog
  
  Ok so before I got too excited, I called Mrs J and asked if there was a computer, magnifying glass and animal footprints during his session today and she simply said “yes!” He was looking at animal footprints on the computer using a magnifying glass!!!!!! Yahoooo!!
  
• He is keen to baca Al-Fatehah with me every night before he sleeps. I could never get his interest to do this before..Alhamdulillah for this achievement..
  
• He is my helpful assistant when buying gas for the car (which he would say “Car thirsty. Car needs a drink”!) by giving the gas attendant the money when it’s time to pay!
  
• He is constantly playing with something now that involves his imagination which has naturally caused him to spend so much less time on the computer and the TV!
  
• He has an absolutely endearingly beautiful relationship with Alisha now.. They always play together.. They sing “rehab” together with Raiyan saying “we need to try and rehab and I said” and then Alisha says “no, no, no” hahaha I know I’m sure you’re appalled at me for teaching such stupid things.. but it’s funny!! Anyway, witness their obvious love for each other at this post;
  
• He’s developing his own natural sense of humour now by laughing at genuinely funny things on TV and joking around with me over really silly things. For example, he just loves to take pictures of me when I tell him not to and he would laugh hysterically when he still catches me when I’m trying so hard to avoid him!
  
• He still has big difficulties with his “L” pronounciation so there are still many words that he says that we don’t understand. Before he would get so frustrated and tantrummy when we don’t understand what he’s saying but now he just laughs at himself when I just don’t know what word he’s saying heehee;
  
• His arts and crafts now are clearly showing how much his imagination has developed. He came back with this the other day, which was supposed to be a T-Rex. He was so proudly carrying it over the place and we were all complimenting him even though none of us thought it looked anything like a t-rex! It was only later that I asked him specifically what it is and he said “dinasour bones” and then it occurred to me how that made more sense because the sculpture he brought was white and had lines on them!! DUH mama!!

Another amazing week huh?!! Alhamdulillah for everything!!! Till next week!

Playing Dress-Up

Like all parents I’m sure, we love dressing up our children, especially when there is a particular reason to; special dress yellow/black/white day for national day, dress in a costume for an end of year concert, dressing them up in national costume for hari raya etc etc. We just love to do it to see how ridiculously adorable they look. Pweshes babah loves it more if he believes that his child’s costume is the best out of the lot (over-achieving parents reading this can relate right?)

This was why when Raiyan’s old school had a come to school in black, white and yellow day, in conjunction with His Majesty’s 60th birthday and whoever had the best costume wins a prize (!), Jef went out of his way to create a costume for Raiyan. This during the time when Alisha was probably just a week old AND when he was incredibly busy being the Secretariat for the Brunei National Tattoo which was starting around the same time. Yet his determination prevailed and he managed to stay up sewing and concocting his creation with the best hopes that his son will win the coveted prize.

Of course with knowing how sensitive Raiyan is to change and things that are obviously strange to him, we were very apprehensive on whether or not he would wear it. Sadly, even after being offered a giant bag of Doritos, he absolutely refused to wear it and went ballistic in wanting to take it off, as you can see below. It was so traumatic for him that he went straight to sleep and ended up not going to school. And the costume still hangs, unworn, in the closet till this day.

Take it off!!

AAAGGHH!!!

Fast forward to now, when we have already started to notice him trying to play dress up on his own and understanding the concept of the purpose of it which is to “pretend” to be the person/thing he is dressing up as.

This week at ISB was book week so the whole week was filled with many activities involving books, including book sales, parents reading to students, students reading to parents, decorating classrooms following the theme of the book and many more. Jef volunteered to read “Ducky Dives In” to Raiyan’s class on his last day of leave last Monday and managed to get everyone engaged by quacking and flapping their arms whilst going through the story. Thinking how the children are familiar with that character, he decided Raiyan should come as Mucky Ducky the main character of the book to today’s “dress up as your favourite book character” day.

Recycling and modifying an old costume that I had worn for a costume party we attended 7 years ago, Jef spent the whole of Wednesday night making Raiyan’s ducky costume complete with the eyes, beak, wings and bushy tail. And yes, he was overly anxious the whole time he was doing it knowing he is again running the risk of Raiyan not wanting to wear it like the last time, but was nonetheless determined we give it a try.

I am happy to report that it was a success!!! In fact, it was beyond our expectations because he continued to wear it throughout school, throughout the afternoon and until he fell asleep at night! Alhamdulillah!! What an AMAZING progress!!!!

doesn't he look JUST like mucky ducky above?

Well Done Raiyan!!!

Pweshes Philosophy On Autism

I do not see autism as a permanent disability but rather a permanent difference.

Autistic children are not inferior to typical children. They may lack some qualities that typical children have, but at the same time, they possess amazing and advanced qualities that surpass not only their peers but surprisingly, even some adults. Hence, they just have different milestones when compared with typical children.

Typical children are not necessarily cleverer than autistic children. It's just that autistic children learn things in a different way compared to typical children.

I seek therapy to reduce the disabilities caused by autism, that I see are hindering my child from reaching his full potential. That is the journey that I talk of, the progress that I chart, and in no circumstances do I intend to make him or want him to be non-autistic.

I unconditionally and wholeheartedly accept Raiyan to have autism because on a large scale, that is what makes him who he is. However, it is through this journey and the progress that he makes, that has allowed me and others who know him, to learn, understand, accept and appreciate him better for who he is. He may be different from typical children when you first meet him but spend no longer than a day with him and I would be surprised if you don't think he is less than wonderful.

I hope Raiyan can help to change the stereotype perception that Brunei has on autism now which I have found to be outdated, misguided, depressing and unhelpful.

It cannot be denied that autistic children need urgent help. This should be dealt with early, quickly and intensively and in accordance with a properly managed programme based on scientific evidence.

However, just because they need help does not mean they should be looked down upon and be viewed with nothing but sympathy. Though we appreciate you applauding them for being able to sing, read or act in certain ways that you didn't think they can do, please also know that such praise may be patronizing for some of them because you can be amazed with some of the things they can do. Because autism is a spectrum, get to know the individual autistic child first before you judge him or her based on the stereotype perception that you may have.
With the alarming rising rates of autism, it is high time society start understanding what autism is and start being accepting and tolerant.

I hope they can do so through reading about Raiyan, a certified child with autism, living and growing here in Brunei.

Ultimately, I hope Raiyan can help represent a new generation of autistic children that this country have not only accepted wholeheartedly into mainstream society but is proud to say is one of theirs.

Author's Note

Due to a sudden influx of negative accusations of me on a personal level that are completely irrelevant to the primary objective of this blog, I have chosen to not approve comments of such character, not because I cannot handle the criticism but it's just too heartbreaking to have such horrible words shared on the same page as the stories of my beautiful son.

This blog was mainly created to share Raiyan's stories, past, present and insyaAllah a better future so that we can give the message out to other autism parents that there is hope out there for their children. I admit that along the way, telling his story has required me to also share some factual events that have happened which has caused Raiyan to be where he is now. I completely apologise if persons that are affected by my sharing of these factual events feel like they have been unfairly criticized by me. Please believe me that it was never my intention to undermine you and your organisation and if you care to read my post entries more closely, I can safely say that you can see I tried very hard to be professional in all of the 5 (out of 42) posts where you and your organisation are mentioned. If you still think otherwise, then I duly invite you to highlight to me exactly where I have shown such lack of discreetness so that I know what exactly I need to work on.

As I said, this blog is about Raiyan's journey with autism and it is my dream that one day he is able to read it and look back and see how far he has come from. With that I seek your understanding as to why it is too important for me as his mother, to preserve the records of his journey in the most positive light and more importantly to not let it be tarnished by side discussions on patriotism and politics that have nothing to do with Raiyan's condition and progress.

It has greatly saddened me that this sudden influx of negative and irrelevant comments now runs the risk of diverting precious attention away from reading heartwarming stories of our Raiyan.

I still more than welcome comments but I request that even if it is on a negative point, please keep it on a professional level and most of all make sure they are constructive comments that will ultimately help Raiyan in his journey.

I am grateful to my dear sister for reminding me of essentially why I keep this blog and the fact that even though I do want to give everyone their fair chance to say something, I nevertheless am still in control as to what should be displayed in maintaining the basic principle of what this blog is about. I recommend you read her most eloquent ways in explaining and arguably to some, justifying, this need to do so at this post of hers.

Thank you and Wassalam.

Update: It has come to light (man sometimes I really am that slow!) that the attack towards me and Learning Ladders was not necessarily because I personally have provoked the issue in my posts and comments but more because I had allowed one provocative comment to pass through, specifically the comment made by EG M from Newcastle, which I have now deleted. I understand now how the comment have angered so many and I sincerely apologise for the momentary lapse of judgment on my part to still have published that post despite the negativity it was brewing up. To EG M, we really did appreciate some of the points made in your comment about the inadequacies that exist in Brunei when dealing with autism. Nevertheless I have to stay true to my point in not allowing extreme negativities in this blog about Raiyan and whilst admittedly you made some valid points worthy of further investigation by the appropriate authorities, I only wished you delivered them in a manner that didn't provoke so many and opened this floodgate of angry rants on irrelevant things that I really needed to put a stop to.