Ignoyed no more

I got left some interesting comments from my earlier post about the abovementioned “emotion” and after much reflection and consideration, I have come to realize that it is in fact unfair for me to expect others to even watch the shows let alone give any feedback on them.

It’s all down to a simple matter of fact that if people are not interested in something, they just aren’t. That’s not necessarily a bad thing because when you really think about it, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, likes, dislikes and of course interests. And in this day and age of there being a million and one things to do in life, one’s interests have to be prioritized and restricted due to time constraints.

When a close Learning Ladders friend told me recently “if it’s not their problem, then they just wouldn’t bother to know”, I was at first disheartened with such a notion because it just sounds so selfish, especially since it will make spreading autism awareness so much harder.

But now the more I think about it, it’s not selfish at all, it’s reality.

All along, I somehow still thought that my friends do have some level of interest with Raiyan and his therapy but I realized that this blog has been around for almost a year and if during all that time, they haven’t mentioned any of my posts to me, that just naturally mean that they don’t read it. And if they don’t read it, of course coupled together with the reason of not having enough time to do so, it just also simply means that they are not interested to know. It is just not something they feel strongly enough to take time out to learn more of and especially since autism is literally so complicated, it would seem like such an enormous feat to start learning and understanding it so they don’t bother to even start. But instead of feeling hurt about this actuality, I’ve realized and accepted that IT”S OKAY for them to be like that because you just can’t force something that’s just not there.

Then it made me think of how interested or even aware I am of other people’s problems. I’m ashamed to admit that actually I have no idea and then I thought even if I am aware, will I really make so much effort to learn more about them when their problem doesn’t concern me? Probably not.. I can see myself coming up with my own excuses of being too busy with my life and my problems too when in fact I could be really hurting that person who expected me to show more interest. So I can see how equally guilty of carelessness I can be too. For a really simplistic example, it’s not like I’m making so much effort in learning about forex or cancer or charity causes for famine in Africa am I? Because it doesn’t affect me, I realize I’m not bothered to learn about them- hence if I consider others to be selfish for acting that way, then that clearly makes me selfish too.

I do believe that self-absorption is slowly becoming the norm and people in general are learning to live completely independent of each other. But that’s not to say that we should just let that carry on. I still believe in the idea of “checking in” with each other once in a while, which I sincerely try to do as best as I can. But I’m sure it’s still not enough. I should at the same time believe that others are doing the best they can to check in but taking into account their own limitations. This is why I value this blog and the internet in general so very much. It’s an ideal way for us to “check in” with each other and see what each other gets up to without having to make the extra time and effort to meet in person or pick up the phone to exchange all the information. Even though admittedly I feel a bit disappointed that some of my friends are not checking in with me through the blog, I’ve realized that I’ve not made much effort in checking in with them in their facebook pages too (how I wish all of them have blogs cause facebook is just too slow to open!). I promise I will try to do that more of that.

So from now, I unleash all these preconceived thoughts about expecting my friends to ask me about Raiyan and the therapy and the society because I have accepted that it is just not something they can see or even begin to understand. If they do ask me, I would be delighted to share but if they don’t, it’s completely okay by me because they do show their interest in my life in so many other ways. At the same time, to feel less like a hypocrite, I will literally check in with them more too.. maybe there’s something going on I don’t know about.. (I hope and pray everyone is fine though!).

Also, I shall not forget those out there who have shown genuine interest, to name a few, like Nisa, Suvi, Fauzi, Muizzo, May, Bev, ciliqueen and more recently Mala, Haryati, Fidah and all the lovely anonymous ones who leave wonderful comments even though as far as I know, I don’t think their lives are directly connected to autism. To restore my faith and determination in disseminating information on autism and to help spread autism awareness I shall always keep in mind the fact that there are still those like them who really do want to learn more and I should really focus my energy in educating them rather than trying to forcefully educate those who are just not interested! But that’s not to say I’m going to completely stop talking about it to the disinterested ones, it’s just at the moment, things are still wishy washy to talk of. Perhaps once the Learning Ladders centre is open, I can invite them for a visit so they can see the therapy themselves. Or perhaps once Learning Ladders is more established and prominent insyaAllah, then it’s easier for them to take notice. Who knows right? All I know is, for me to continue on with this “peaceful” journey of mine, I can’t afford to harbor any resentment, however miniscule, towards anyone, especially my dear friends who I honestly love and care about and I’m sure feel the same way about me too.

Alhamdulillah for this breakthrough!